ROCKBAND

Last I left you all, I was going to play RockBand with Carrie and Lauren last night. Ridiculous.

Perhaps I need to preface this with the information that I do not play video games. The only gaming consoles I've owned were Atari and Sega Genesis. I've never gotten past the first level of Sonic the Hedgehog and I preferred to spend my gaming hours playing Monopoly. There's no controller skill required to play Monopoly. In fact, upon reliving my Sonic days not too long ago, I discovered that I still move my entire body with the controller in a feeble attempt to move the hedgehog (this is especially true for jump sequences). Apparently my motor skills short circuit in regards to gaming.

That being said, last night I decided to succumb to peer pressure like some pubescent teenager and play RockBand. Mind you, I was whinging about not wanting to do it for a good 15 minutes as I cut out strips of paper to make a countdown chain (as seen in entry below). Regardless, I did it. I said to myself, "self, you play the guitar. This can't be too much different." OooHooo, I've never been more wrong in my life.

I can't even tell you what song I was playing, the moment was so traumatic I've apparently blocked the details from my mind. It started slow; a succession of green buttons, syncopation slightly wonky. Not so bad, I could do this, but then the fraction-of-a-second-off red and yellow buttons started in. Now I'm starting to sweat, literally. I'm subconsciously holding my breath and my heart's beginning to palpitate. I'm feeling lightheaded from lack of oxygen and terribly self conscious because I've grossly underestimated this stupid plastic guitar that doesn't even play music. Apparently you're supposed to upstroke on certain tabs and down stroke on others, but my "gaming is second nature" friends neglected to tell me that and I'm losing points. See, that's the thing though, I'm not losing points really... I'm essentially losing fans. FANS. For someone who thrives off of people liking her, losing fans is serious business...

I can't even finish telling my tale of woe. It was all too much.