I was driving behind a “Nugent and Potter” delivery truck Friday afternoon and I cannot even begin to express the mirth I got from the mental image that soon followed. There before me, in the empty white space of the door, suddenly appeared the most glorious picture of Ted Nugent and Harry Potter, arms slung around the others shoulder, bright smiles and thumbs up. I’m not quite sure what kind of business the two would have with each other but, I can only assume it would phenomenal and rather lucrative, especially since they base themselves in the Hamptons.
Now I’m sitting here on the LIRR, preparing myself for the start of another week and wondering where the past 3 months have gone. I divide my time between Gotham and Superbia, I divide my emotions between relative pleasantry and maniacally depressed, I divide my levels of motivation between little and completely nonexistent. It’s the doldrums of life at their finest, I suppose. I’d really just like to feel something other than this for a little while. I think it’s the change of season, or maybe it’s the holidays and the sinking realization that if I don’t start a family soon it’s going to just be me and my parents within a few years. I miss the big gatherings, I miss the camaraderie. Maybe it’s my own fault though, I’m very good at self imposed hermitry after all.
I always thought I’d do big things, make a name for myself and change the world but, now none of that seems important. I just want a home life, a spouse, a bunch of children and a couple of cats. I want the neighborhood kids banging at my door to see if my children can play, I want block parties, PTA bake sales, soccer mom carpool duties. I want Superbia and everything I’ve continually tried to run from and that scares the pants off of me.
That being said:
Dear Santa,
Please return me to my proper state of mind this Christmas. This is getting a bit ridiculous. If this isn’t enough notice please forward my request to the Easter Bunny.
All things good.
14 December 2008
29 October 2008
STOP THE H8
I'm really getting tired of California and its Indian Giver ways (sorry for the slightly racist colloquialism). How many times are they going to grant everyone the right to marry then take it away a few months later? Something's got to happen, something's got to change and while I applaud their forward movement in the realm of GLBTQ rights it's just absolutely mean to dangle what should be a basic civil and human right in front of us. I really hope enough people turn out to vote down Prop. 8. More importantly I really hope enough people open their eyes and realize that marriage for everyone isn't threatening anyone's way of life, it's merely improving the lives of so many who aren't protected by the legal benefits that the government grants married couples.
I'm too angry with society to continue right now. I'll post a substantial blog later.
I'm too angry with society to continue right now. I'll post a substantial blog later.
11 October 2008
FAITH
I received a monthly email from an old acquaintance that has left me remarkably torn. Since I’ve started taking religion courses for my major in college I find myself unable to grasp religion on a personal level. I am culturally Catholic and I always will be but, beyond the cultural aspects I’m a religious void.
This email is from someone who knew me when I was a born again Christian. She is one of the most dedicated and spiritual people I’ve ever met and was that way even when we were 13. She’s traveled the world as a missionary and her faith is absolutely inspiring. Even though our ideals drifted from each other I’ve never lost my respect for her.
Now to my issue. I never thought much of missionaries and mission trips until I started studying tribal cultures and their religions this semester. With a recent focus on the Sambian tribe of Papua New Guinea (oddly enough the locale of Friend’s mission work) I’ve come to realize how much culture and history has been lost by the Christianization of the world. Hundreds of years of tradition shunned, traditional lifestyles completely discarded for another mans god.
Now, I’m a strong supporter of free will and I can’t help but think that Westerners showing up in a tribal village with new clothing, toys, candy, medicines and stores of food doesn’t offer an unbiased plain upon which the indigenous people can decide what to believe. I know if I was in their position I’d jump right on board their train after my first lollipop.
I’m not saying that Christian missionaries are trying to buy followers (well, maybe I am a little), I think it’s admirable that they believe so strongly that they want to save the world but, their methods of doing so are in dire need of examination. These people don’t have the luxuries that we’ve come to take for granted, I don’t think it’s right that they’re given them and then preached to. It’s a positive rewards system, they listen about your God in exchange for things they need or desire. Isn’t that how we train animals? “Let me tell you a story about a man named Jesus and while I do that let me feed your malnourished children and give you some quinine for that malaria you’ve been suffering with since birth…”
Maybe I’m only attacking this because I’m jealous. I’m jealous of people who have faith, faith of any kind. Faith in God, faith in their friends, faith in themselves … I’m not sure when I lost faith, I imagine it was around the time I lost the innocence of childhood though.
Children, in their purest form are so remarkable. What happens when you’re sitting next to a child on the train or the bus? It smiles at you, it engages you, why? Unconditional love. They haven’t been corrupted or tainted yet. To them; why shouldn’t they engage you or like you? Why wouldn’t you want to do the same? They have complete faith that you’re good. My god! Could you imagine the type of world this would be if we never lost that? Instead, we now walk into a room and think “I hope they like me” instead of “why wouldn’t they like me?”. We’ve lost the capacity to love unconditionally, to trust all but a select few and ultimately we’ve lost faith in each other. What a horrible world to exist in.
This email is from someone who knew me when I was a born again Christian. She is one of the most dedicated and spiritual people I’ve ever met and was that way even when we were 13. She’s traveled the world as a missionary and her faith is absolutely inspiring. Even though our ideals drifted from each other I’ve never lost my respect for her.
Now to my issue. I never thought much of missionaries and mission trips until I started studying tribal cultures and their religions this semester. With a recent focus on the Sambian tribe of Papua New Guinea (oddly enough the locale of Friend’s mission work) I’ve come to realize how much culture and history has been lost by the Christianization of the world. Hundreds of years of tradition shunned, traditional lifestyles completely discarded for another mans god.
Now, I’m a strong supporter of free will and I can’t help but think that Westerners showing up in a tribal village with new clothing, toys, candy, medicines and stores of food doesn’t offer an unbiased plain upon which the indigenous people can decide what to believe. I know if I was in their position I’d jump right on board their train after my first lollipop.
I’m not saying that Christian missionaries are trying to buy followers (well, maybe I am a little), I think it’s admirable that they believe so strongly that they want to save the world but, their methods of doing so are in dire need of examination. These people don’t have the luxuries that we’ve come to take for granted, I don’t think it’s right that they’re given them and then preached to. It’s a positive rewards system, they listen about your God in exchange for things they need or desire. Isn’t that how we train animals? “Let me tell you a story about a man named Jesus and while I do that let me feed your malnourished children and give you some quinine for that malaria you’ve been suffering with since birth…”
Maybe I’m only attacking this because I’m jealous. I’m jealous of people who have faith, faith of any kind. Faith in God, faith in their friends, faith in themselves … I’m not sure when I lost faith, I imagine it was around the time I lost the innocence of childhood though.
Children, in their purest form are so remarkable. What happens when you’re sitting next to a child on the train or the bus? It smiles at you, it engages you, why? Unconditional love. They haven’t been corrupted or tainted yet. To them; why shouldn’t they engage you or like you? Why wouldn’t you want to do the same? They have complete faith that you’re good. My god! Could you imagine the type of world this would be if we never lost that? Instead, we now walk into a room and think “I hope they like me” instead of “why wouldn’t they like me?”. We’ve lost the capacity to love unconditionally, to trust all but a select few and ultimately we’ve lost faith in each other. What a horrible world to exist in.
27 September 2008
PIGHEADED
Pigheaded: stupidly obstinate; stubborn.
…how fitting. I am horribly pigheaded as is much of my family, the only difference is that I’m completely aware of it, while they live in denial. I almost wonder if it’s not them being pigheaded so much as being set in their ways. I suppose the two go hand in hand, though.
I find myself questioning the origins of this adjective. Are pigs really stupidly obstinate? I feel as though, under normal circumstances pigs would be rather jovial creatures ala Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web but, by god I’d be stubborn too if I was being fattened up so that my flesh could be shredded into bacon and my body turned into a ham. So who are we to say that pigs are stubborn when we only generally deal with them under less than savory circumstances? Well, I suppose the outcome is savory for us just not for them.
---
It’s rainy and overcast again today, just like yesterday and the day before. I never used to mind days like this much but, now they just make my head hurt. I looked at weather.com and we’re not supposed to have a nice day until Thursday, the day I go back to school. Great.
…how fitting. I am horribly pigheaded as is much of my family, the only difference is that I’m completely aware of it, while they live in denial. I almost wonder if it’s not them being pigheaded so much as being set in their ways. I suppose the two go hand in hand, though.
I find myself questioning the origins of this adjective. Are pigs really stupidly obstinate? I feel as though, under normal circumstances pigs would be rather jovial creatures ala Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web but, by god I’d be stubborn too if I was being fattened up so that my flesh could be shredded into bacon and my body turned into a ham. So who are we to say that pigs are stubborn when we only generally deal with them under less than savory circumstances? Well, I suppose the outcome is savory for us just not for them.
---
It’s rainy and overcast again today, just like yesterday and the day before. I never used to mind days like this much but, now they just make my head hurt. I looked at weather.com and we’re not supposed to have a nice day until Thursday, the day I go back to school. Great.
THREE
Autumn, sweet Autumn you’re here at long last. Sweaters, beanies, crunchy leave stomping, farm stands and my favorite, the return of the pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks. I don’t generally advocate spending $5 on a cup of coffee but, for the few short months that Starbucks bestows the deliciousness of this latte on me, I’m ready, willing and able to spend money I do not have on this palatable treasure.
I may have to revise that comment shortly though, especially if our economic hardships continue. I’m still unable to find a job and after watching 15 minutes of the debate tonight I got so riled up I needed to watch Love Actually so I didn’t have to face reality. It’s a generational flaw but, it’s a flaw we’ve perfected.
I find myself having very little motivation as of late which is absolutely wretched because I have so many brilliant ideas. I think I just have too much going on in my head. I cannot speak properly or think clearly and all I want to do is sleep. I think the best word to describe it is confuzzed. I’m wondering if it’s possible to be existentially confuzzed, though.
Eh, these are just my late night, nonsensical ramblings. I’m going to try and make a conscious effort to blog more, even if it means I randomly take a word from the dictionary to use as a prompt. I suppose that might be a really good idea; not only will it be a prompt but it can double as an entry title because I can never think of the blasted things.
I may have to revise that comment shortly though, especially if our economic hardships continue. I’m still unable to find a job and after watching 15 minutes of the debate tonight I got so riled up I needed to watch Love Actually so I didn’t have to face reality. It’s a generational flaw but, it’s a flaw we’ve perfected.
I find myself having very little motivation as of late which is absolutely wretched because I have so many brilliant ideas. I think I just have too much going on in my head. I cannot speak properly or think clearly and all I want to do is sleep. I think the best word to describe it is confuzzed. I’m wondering if it’s possible to be existentially confuzzed, though.
Eh, these are just my late night, nonsensical ramblings. I’m going to try and make a conscious effort to blog more, even if it means I randomly take a word from the dictionary to use as a prompt. I suppose that might be a really good idea; not only will it be a prompt but it can double as an entry title because I can never think of the blasted things.
15 September 2008
TWO
I am adjusting well to my new old life in the greatest city known to man (I think I‘ll just refer to it as Gotham from now on). Aside from being unable to find employment, everything is going rather smoothly. My classes are challenging but, nothing I can’t handle and my social calendar is just busy enough so that I’m not a complete hermit.
This past week was a bit rough. I wasn’t feeling very well and by that I mean I was in agonizing pain for a few days and decided it best to return to Superbia in order to see my doctor. Now, while I’ve lost 10lbs. I’ve also gained an ulcer and gastritis. Thank you Nannie for passing that on to me; you had 50 grandchildren and you decide that I’m the one to get your ulcer problems. Not to sound ungrateful but, I would have much rather have had that glittery snow globe with the little chicken inside.
So, that being said, my Friday was spent at the doctor’s, the hospital and the DMV; three of the most inhumane places ever. After a completely exhausting day I return home to find out that a dear family friend had finally succumb to the cancer he had been fighting for years. No one had told me how bad he had gotten in the past few weeks and I was completely caught off guard.
Saturday, I was finally told that my darling Kathy Bouvier passed away two weeks ago and they forgot to tell me. She was an extraordinary eccentric and I idolized her in every way. She married a cousin of former First Lady Jackie Bouvier-Kennedy-Onassis and spent her later life as a virtual recluse; chain smoking, drinking, painting portraits of her dog Scooter and watching British television on PBS. My Uncle used to be her groundskeeper of sorts and later on was simply her friend and on more than one occasion she took me under her wing to make sure I was educated in British humor and dirty jokes. I’m not sure that I’ll ever meet another person like her as long as I live. I’d like to note that as I’m typing this my computer keeps telling me that I’m spelling “Bouvier” incorrectly and that I probably mean to be spelling “Boozier.” Kathy would have greatly appreciated that.
I suppose I’ve become rather accustomed to death. The last few have left me with a better sense of human mortality and I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. I feel as though a bit of my compassion is missing, then again I was never a terribly compassionate person to begin with.
In the spare time I had while home in Superbia, I crafted most of my Halloween costume. Since Harry Potter has taken over much of my life these last few months, I decided to disguise myself as Luna Lovegood. I’ve successfully beaded earrings to look like radishes, made a cork charm necklace to keep the Nargles away, loom knitted a beanie, whittled and painted a wand as well as put together the rest of my outfit. All I have left is to finish my Weird Sisters shirt, find my spider ring (which is mysteriously M.I.A.), buy a blonde wig and have my mother finish the scarf she decided to knit me. I’ve really got a jump on it this year and it feels AWESOME.
What does not feel awesome is my stomach since I wasn’t thinking and drank a smoothie that had orange and pineapple juice in it. These diet restrictions are going to take me a very long time to get used to.
This past week was a bit rough. I wasn’t feeling very well and by that I mean I was in agonizing pain for a few days and decided it best to return to Superbia in order to see my doctor. Now, while I’ve lost 10lbs. I’ve also gained an ulcer and gastritis. Thank you Nannie for passing that on to me; you had 50 grandchildren and you decide that I’m the one to get your ulcer problems. Not to sound ungrateful but, I would have much rather have had that glittery snow globe with the little chicken inside.
So, that being said, my Friday was spent at the doctor’s, the hospital and the DMV; three of the most inhumane places ever. After a completely exhausting day I return home to find out that a dear family friend had finally succumb to the cancer he had been fighting for years. No one had told me how bad he had gotten in the past few weeks and I was completely caught off guard.
Saturday, I was finally told that my darling Kathy Bouvier passed away two weeks ago and they forgot to tell me. She was an extraordinary eccentric and I idolized her in every way. She married a cousin of former First Lady Jackie Bouvier-Kennedy-Onassis and spent her later life as a virtual recluse; chain smoking, drinking, painting portraits of her dog Scooter and watching British television on PBS. My Uncle used to be her groundskeeper of sorts and later on was simply her friend and on more than one occasion she took me under her wing to make sure I was educated in British humor and dirty jokes. I’m not sure that I’ll ever meet another person like her as long as I live. I’d like to note that as I’m typing this my computer keeps telling me that I’m spelling “Bouvier” incorrectly and that I probably mean to be spelling “Boozier.” Kathy would have greatly appreciated that.
I suppose I’ve become rather accustomed to death. The last few have left me with a better sense of human mortality and I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. I feel as though a bit of my compassion is missing, then again I was never a terribly compassionate person to begin with.
In the spare time I had while home in Superbia, I crafted most of my Halloween costume. Since Harry Potter has taken over much of my life these last few months, I decided to disguise myself as Luna Lovegood. I’ve successfully beaded earrings to look like radishes, made a cork charm necklace to keep the Nargles away, loom knitted a beanie, whittled and painted a wand as well as put together the rest of my outfit. All I have left is to finish my Weird Sisters shirt, find my spider ring (which is mysteriously M.I.A.), buy a blonde wig and have my mother finish the scarf she decided to knit me. I’ve really got a jump on it this year and it feels AWESOME.
What does not feel awesome is my stomach since I wasn’t thinking and drank a smoothie that had orange and pineapple juice in it. These diet restrictions are going to take me a very long time to get used to.
20 August 2008
ONE
People blog for various reasons and I'm not sure why I feel the need to document my life in such a public arena and on such a personal level. I assume it's because I'm slightly narcissistic like that but, that assumption could be wrong. After all, I'm only 22, I'm still not sure who I really am.
I'm packing up and leaving Superbia behind once more on Saturday. An explanation of my hometown is not important at this point as long as you understand the sarcasm in me naming it Superbia. This is my sixth move in 5 years and I've never looked forward to anything more than this.
Of course I'm apprehensive, it's never easy leaving your family but, family isn't always blood. While I'm leaving behind the family that raised me, I'm joining the family that lets me breath free. New adventures, city lights, traffic jams, the hustle and bustle of the greatest city on this planet all are awaiting my return.
I'm packing up and leaving Superbia behind once more on Saturday. An explanation of my hometown is not important at this point as long as you understand the sarcasm in me naming it Superbia. This is my sixth move in 5 years and I've never looked forward to anything more than this.
Of course I'm apprehensive, it's never easy leaving your family but, family isn't always blood. While I'm leaving behind the family that raised me, I'm joining the family that lets me breath free. New adventures, city lights, traffic jams, the hustle and bustle of the greatest city on this planet all are awaiting my return.
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