What's in a Name?

SCHMIDT

Surname Origin: German
Definition: An occupational surname for "blacksmith" or "metalworker," from the German word "schmied." The German equivalent of the English surname SMITH.

I need to address this growing phenomenon of my friends thinking me Jewish because I just don't understand it. This is not an 'at first glance' situation either. It's only starting to emerge years into friendship and I'm boggled. Have they simply not been listening as I've been regaling them with stories of teaching Catechism or my brief misadventures in Catholic school?

Many fall back on the old, "well Schmidt's a Jewish last name." SINCE WHEN? Yes, I know that due to persecution most German Jews changed their surnames many times over the centuries, but the closest to Jewish Schmidt has ever come is with "Goldschmidt." My last name IS NOT Goldschmidt. Is it simply because Schmidt is German? If that's the case why not think me spawned from the Nazi party? I am, after all a huge supporter of Socialism! Because that's pretty much what you're getting at, "oh well, she's got to be a Jew because she's too nice to be a Nazi." We all know that's what us Americans think about Germany; it's just the land of Nazis, Jews and David Hasselhoff sympathizers.

Then there's the ever popular "you just sound Jewish." What does a Jew sound like? Is this because I'm from Long Island? Yes, I know I have a disgusting accent and lay on the guilt whenever possible but this, I don't think, should be used as proof of my ethnic origins. I'm merely from Long Island and with that being said, why don't you think I'm Italian and Catholic? If you did that at least you'd be half right. Is it because I don't flat iron my hair, sausage my fat rolls into too tight clothing and proudly shout "JAEGAHBOMBS!!!" when I go out?

I'm also a fan of, "you speak Jewish." Oh, I do, do I? What language is Jewish exactly? Because I can tell you for certain I know naught of anything Hebraic. Is this in reference to my copious use of Yiddish? My exclamations of "OY VEY!" when I'm frustrated? Again, I must draw your attention to the fact that I use "Madonna mia!" just as frequently and I am NOT Italian. I'm from Long Island, folks, a place where both of these ethnic groups are so highly concentrated that it's nearly impossible for one to grow up in such an environment and escape untouched.

Also, my first name is Brittney. BRITTNEY. A name that didn't even become popular until the 1980's. In the Jewish faith it is customary (though not Jewish law) to name your child after a recently departed loved one or a living relative, depending on whether the family be Ashkenazic or Sephardic Jews respectively. Yes it's not law, yes there are those who don't follow this practice but, for anyone who's seen Fiddler on The Roof, you know Judaism is all about TRADITION. There is nothing traditional about the name Brittney, not even the spelling.

Perhaps I take for granted the fact that there are more Jews per square mile in NYC than in Israel and that I've grown up with Jewish friends and spent a lot of time in Jewish households but, I just don't see how so many people have mistaken my ethnic identity. Especially people who've known me for years!