Spring Break

I had an odd Spring Break this year. It was as though I got sucked into some weird time/space continuum and just existed for a week and one-half. I'm now having a difficult time adjusting to my very scheduled and rushed school and city life. Humbug.

Stacey's birthday party was great fun. Intellectual conversation and humor really turns me on in the naughtiest of ways and it was in abundance. I also spent most of the break just making music which was very, very stimulating. This paragraph has become rather dirty. I'm going to move on now.

I've been taking care of myself more than I ever have and it's a mind trip. I've never felt so in tune with my body and the earth. I know that sounds insanely new age and annoying, but it's the only way to describe...things. I stopped drinking, stopped eating meat, I can't remember the last time I had a cigarette --now if only I could give up caffeine. I almost think the Hare Krishna's aren't so off their rocker. I'm pretty sure the drinking thing won't last long once I'm in Germany, but I like to think of German beer more like a food product more than alcohol. You can survive off of it for a good while, after all.

Speaking of Germany (what a lame segue) I'm absolutely overwhelmed by how close I am to my departure. Perhaps I'll add a countdown... or make a CONSTRUCTION PAPER CHAIN! Paper chain indeed, that sounds like a splendid idea. I'm beside myself with excitement and anxiety. I can't believe I'm actually getting out of this country, going to see my family on their home turf, seeing the world... good grief, my dreams are finally becoming a reality.

I plan on bringing a uke and praying that inspiration strikes. What I'm really hoping for is a bit more direction on the children's book I've been struggling to sort out. I hate that I didn't take more classes in pedagogy. They'd be really helpful right about now.

Here's a VLog about my hellish night last night:

I'm kind of stoked, I got a 92 on my modern Middle Eastern history midterm (the 2nd one). Seeing as I got a 70 on the 1st one this is monumental for me. Now off to play Rockband with roommate and Lauren.

SHINE ON.

THE MONDAYS

It was just another manic Monday today... yes, I wish it was Sunday because that's my fun day. I also wish I could take that back, but I've already put it forth in the universe. EMBARRASSED.

Seriously now, it was indeed another gloomy Gotham day. This April showers nonsense is getting old and fast. I have one more day of school before I hop a train to Speonk for break and it just hit me how close to the end of the semester I am. Frightening. I have so much to do that I'm going to sit here and not think about any of it while I eat frozen corn nibblets like M&M's.

I booked my flights to and from Frankfurt last night. I'm flying one of the worst rated airlines, but it saved me $400. Au Revoir United States, I'm Deutschland bound. June 6th - July 16th, Frankfurt, Kassel, Hamburg & Amrum... as of right now. Itinerary could change. I just dropped a frozen nibblet down my shirt... typische Amerikanerin.

All things good.

GLOOMY

The past few days have been rather gloomy here in Gotham. A deluge fell from the skies yesterday and today was terribly overcast and windy. Katie and I stupidly decided to walk around SoHo on a Saturday and had to reward ourselves with cannolis in Little Italy for all the pain and suffering. Yaffa was overrun with teenagers calling it "funky" and the streets were lined with tourists. There are just someplaces we should know better than to go to on the weekends.

I really need to get on finalizing my Germany plans. I'm going to go and spend some time with my mother's family there after the program is over. I was originally planning on a week, but they all think I need to spend more time there. I suppose it will all be contingent on how much money I can get pawning my instruments. So ist das Leben! I have a gut feeling I'm never going to want to return to the states. I'm so completely over American economics and governmental policy.

PROMPT #7
Electricity is a recent discovery. Think of 12 things you can do when there's no power.

1. Organize a Pick-up Sticks tournament
2. Use eyeliner to draw on curly mustaches and speak to each other in French accents
3. Read a freakin' book
   
4. Reenact classical pieces of theatre with uncultured friends
5. Paint portraits of beloved family pets
6. Break out the ukulele and write a pop opera
7. Knit a tea cozy
   
8. Build a bonfire, make s'mores and reenact the end credits of D2 "GOLDBERG!"
9. Hold a memorial service for the Internet, no power sucks! "What do you mean I can't Tweet?!"
10. Finally get around to reading Russell Brand's Booky-Wook
11. Practice yodelling
12. Take a nap and pray the powers on when you wake up

All things good.

DRIFT

It's so close to Spring Break I can smell it. Freshly cut grass, slightly moist soil and decaying leaves are what I imagine freedom to smell like. Another school week over, another month begun, I'm wondering where time goes. Youth definitely is wasted on the young. We do not appreciate it nearly as much as we should.

I was reading "The Cholera Years" between classes today and one of the footnotes made me laugh aloud. The chortle that erupted from my body actually startled me. Then I burst into a fit of giggles thinking about My Obsession and her habit of chuckling over similarly dry books. She plagues me so and she has no idea. What a strange concept. I wonder if anyone feels that way about me. If my piquant habits fascinate anyone to the verge of unhealthy obsession. I hope not.

Creative Writing Prompt, GO!!
(I don't think I've written a poem since I was a moody pre-teen)

Prompt #5
Pick a poem that you like. Take the last line and use it as the first line of your own poem.

"City Dusk"
F. Scott Fitzgerald

"One Poncey Poem"
B. Schmidt

We'll drift like summer sounds upon the summer air,
Oh! That sweet, sweet music,
That familiar vernacular of sinners and saints,
Storm-tossed and star-crossed.

Lovers built for dreams alone,
Celestial, ethereal, mercurial,
Too precarious,
For our mere mortal selves to catch hold.


I'll meet you my Love,
Somewhere across the astral plane,
Where skylarks will chirrup to our reunion,
And we'll make love in the summer rain.

FOOL

I'm patiently waiting for like to jump out and say "APRIL FOOLS!!" today. I woke up uber late, didn't shower, threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, pulled a hat over my out of control hair and practically ran to school. My head is pounding from that amount of stress in the morning and when I got home not only did I feel like the dirtiest, greasiest kid in existence, but I finally realized I forgot to put a bra on in my haste. That being said, I'm sending a gigantic apology out into the webiverse to anyone who has encountered me thus far today. I'm so terribly sorry, I promise I'm generally not this grody.

I found a website with creative writing prompts and I think I'm going to start using them to get me to blog more often. I think it might be rather cathartic.

Prompt #2
Take out those dusty photo albums and pick out photo #14. Count however you like, just stop at #14. Look at the photo for 2-3 minutes, then spend 10 minutes writing all the feelings that this photo gives you. Don't censor yourself. Just write.

Since this is the internet I had all intentions of posting photo No.14, but upon seeing what it was I don't think that's a good idea. For my curious friends, ask and I'll tell you where to find it or just read on in wonder.

I'm more confused than sad I suppose. Eleven years completely thrown away like the Sunday paper. It was always one sided, but the fact that I was needed is what kept me firmly rooted. I was so lonely and despondent for so many years that any human connection made me feel like I could live another day. I hate to think that that was the foundation of our friendship was built upon though. We shared a lot of laughs, she shared a lot of tears and I cried for her alone when I went home at night. I honestly thought she'd never not be in my life. How did it come to this?

There wasn't any closure. It's been completely anti-climactic. Correspondance just stopped. I thought I did something wrong so I gave her some space then left her a voicemail wishing her a happy holiday season and saying I'd love to catch up with her. Nothing. I guess it really is over, but I still feel like someone's playing mindgames with me. It had to have been me. It was always my fault. Even when I didn't know something was wrong, it was my fault. That's just how we were. We went through far too much to let that be an insurmountable issue.

I grew up though. Part of me finally realized that how this relationship was functioning was completely bizarro. I want nothing more than to call her and squeal that I'm finally going to Europe, to plan one more roadtrip or spend one more night laying on the trampoline and laughing. We had so many dreams and plans and they all unraveled. I'd love to know why some day.

...that was depressing.

All things good.

hast du etwas Zeit fuer mich??

I received my acceptance into the German language program in Kassel this past week. I was on cloud nine for about 12 hours before reality sunk in. I leave in two months. In that two month period it's already set in stone that I'll have finals, my research project, birthdays, graduations, communions, Bamboozle and MY birthday. This is not a lot of time. I am little stressed. I really shouldn't be, this is an amazing opportunity, but I'm overwhelmed with my school work alone nevermind the other day to day happenings that I deal with. Now I need to worry about the rest of my registration, orientation here in the states, meeting with a travel agent while surfing the interwebs for good airfare, meeting with financial aid and trying to get a sallie mae loan to make this all a wee bit easier on my purse strings for the moment and figuring out what the hell I pack so I don't look like a complete American idiot.

My parents, secretly aware of my abject poverty, took a train in to see me yesterday and bring groceries. It was a beautiful thing. My mom also brought me some crochet hooks and yarn and I've been making adorable headbands instead of doing my American Legal Systems midterm (that's due tomorrow). Priorities. It makes me feel a bit like Hello Kitty and that's always a lovely thing to feel.

I found the pattern HERE. Awesome blog!! I'm hooking myself up with some knitted handwarmers as soon as I finish out this blog. Again, I'm completely avoiding my midterm and all of the things I need to get done for Germany simply because I'm overwhelmed. How typical of me.

All things good.

--I never published this blog for some reason--

(THURSDAY MARCH NINETEENTH)

It's a rather cold and rainy day here in Gotham. I'm sitting here, staring out onto the soggy masses trudging along Lexington Ave. and feeling completely overwhelmed one moment and underwhelmed the next. There's an older gentleman in his office across the street with the whitest hair I have ever seen. It's like a beacon shining through this overcast gloom.I wonder if my hair will turn that white when I'm old or if it'll be wiry and salt and pepper. I'll be quite the tattooed granny me thinks. I hope have grandchildren. Lots of them, like my Nannie...or a Weasley.

My mind has been on overdrive lately. I feel like something in my life is missing and that this isn't where I'm supposed to be. I've once again become a vegetarian and for the first time it's based on ethical reasoning. The idea of eating another living thing just seems odd, the way they are farmed is barbaric and unsanitary and it's completely destroying out planet. The statistics are mind boggling and I can't ignore them any longer. The switch however is running concurrent with my annual Spring detox. My body is purging itself of these harmful wastes double time and I feel as sick as a dog. Every year I forget how miserable a detox initially makes you feel.


A few floors up there's a gentleman hanging his head out of an open window. I wonder what he's thinking about, if he's feeling as --whelmed as I am, if he's also scared of the future and the follicular changes it will bring. City living can make you feel mighty small sometimes. You begin to cling to any shred of connectivity with another being that you can find. A pigeon just landed on the windowsill and is staring quite intensely at me. Either that or he sees his reflection and is as vain as the rest of this city. I think I humanize animals too much. I blame cartoons.

There's this girl in my two evening classes that I've been observing since the beginning of the semester. The poor thing takes herself so seriously that I think she could turn coal to diamonds with her bum alone. I want to know what goes on in her head, what makes her tick. She likes to read really, really intense books, always making sure you can see the cover or spine and then laughs to herself. I suppose my use of "observe" is a little off as I find myself a bit obsessed with her. She took to shooting down all of my comments in lecture and I was immediately hooked. I suppose I've been so riveted by her because I am waiting for her to fail or make a fool of herself. Something, anything to break her facade because no man (or woman) is indeed an island. I need her to prove to me that she's human, but I don't know why. Strange, isn't it?

I had to write an essay about Opa for a $1000 grant to study in Germany. The dead grandfather card is always a good angle. As I wrote it though, I began to get really angry that her didn't uphold more customs and traditions and that he died so young. I'm not sure why I seemingly identify solely with my German heritage, perhaps because it's the biggest part of me or where I have the strongest living ties, but shouldn't being an American be enough? Shouldn't that make me whole?